I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
