It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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