I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
