i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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