I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
