Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
