oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
