He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
