Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
