He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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