Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
