I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
