end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize