im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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