She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
