i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
