he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
