WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
