There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
