I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
