i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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