I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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