you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
