the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize