Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
