you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
