I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
