Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
