i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
