Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
