"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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