Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize