i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
