I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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