It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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