you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
