There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
