I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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