Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
