you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
