I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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