Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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