I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
