She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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