The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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