You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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