I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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