just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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