thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
