I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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