did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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