trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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