Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
