We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
