hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
