WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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