Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
