the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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