I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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