i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize