My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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