drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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