you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
