i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
