i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize