i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
