Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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