bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
