Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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