we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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