I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
