your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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