dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
